Oh, my. These made me giggle quite a bit. Thank you so much for sharing.
It reminds me of this one time I went to the National Art Museum when I was six years old. There was a traveling exhibit about collages. I distinctly remember walking around and looking at shadowboxes with pens, ink bottles, pieces of paper, and pencils glued to the back and thinking, "Wow. I am six years old and can replicate this exactly."
Hoorj 4 modern art! Or whatever name they're giving it now!
Yeah, I really like XIV, though since it's such a great idea I wonder if it's been done already?
I would not be surprised.
There's actually a riddle-story about it, I think it was Indian... two great artists were comissioned, on pain of death, to decorate the walls of the Rajah's palace entryway in the most beautiful way possible in a year. One got one half of the hall and the other, the other half. The first artist spent the year traveling around India collecting the best patterns and fabrics, seeking out beautiful colors from other renowned artists, and then painstakingly composed a breathtaking mixture of color and pattern on his wall. The other artist was so afraid of the death sentence that he spent the whole year freaking out about how to make his wall beautiful enough, until he had nearly run out of time. What did his wife tell him to do the night before the deadline...?
... cover the whole wall with mirrors of course...
p.s. here from metaquotes
this is the best thing I've read all week
Would be extra good with border drawings of dinosaurs. :D
I actually did draw a dinosaur, looking at the painting in question.
It's like you read my mind!
Here's hoping your classmates and/or professor find this funny ... instead of hostile and failing-grade-worthy.
You know, it actually took me a long time to figure out how to efficiently use the library.
Trust me, there wasn't a single thing efficient about it.
That sucks. It sounds like that class is a waste of time.
All you really need to know to efficiently use the library is how to access their online article databases. It's better not to actually go to the library unless you have to pick up/return something there, in my opinion, or maybe if you just want to sit and do work.
I used to ask 'Where are the Garfield books' in new libraries because I knew the good stuff (to me) would be near it. Now I know. 741.4 FOR THE WIN, BABY!
(Comic book graphic novels is what I usually quested for)
This is the best thing ever. Seriously. I love it.
Aw yeah, that's the one! Thanks!
You had to write about that??? Holy crap. Makes the whole thing so, so much funnier. :)
That image makes my brain hurt, even through the haze of my legal narcotics. (The only positive to migraines)
As an instructional librarian, I apologize for your library instruction class. Personally, I think it's pathetic that intelligent, self-sufficient patrons have to suffer through that remedial crap along with those who have somehow made it to higher education without figuring out that books are arranged according to the little number on their spine, and can be looked up on that thingee over there called a com-pew-ter. Believe it or not, it's horribly, horribly common.
What that means is we don't have a chance to show you the really useful stuff like citation trailing and searching databases with all the little Boolean tricks that make you get what you're looking for in the first page of results.
On my behalf, please bonk on the head any classmates who appeared flummoxed by the idea going to the library and charging out a book. I am not supposed to do this for myself, and have been placed in a position where I interact with patrons only by phone and email, just to ensure that I can't go around bonking people.
Also, your poem deserves an even broader audience than LJ. I love it.
How do I learn these tricks, please? I am always searching for new stuff to read, I can bust through a Sandman book in about half an hour.
(My favorite is Death)
Citation trailing: basically, when you find one article you like, you look for other articles that use it as a reference and read them too.
Booolean tricks: well, there's a gazillion, and it depends on what you're looking for and whether you're getting too many or too few results. If you're getting too few, a good start though is to OR a few synonyms in parentheses and then AND them with the other terms.
(Here from metaquotes. Your poem is a hundred times better than the painting itself. I cannot appreciate any artwork I could replicate in twenty minutes with a house-painting brust or five with a good graphics editor.)
Probably the best way is to go to the reference desk when things are quiet and tell them what you want to learn. You may have to convince them and nurse them through the shock that you already know the basics and want to know more. Most academic libraries also offer free quickie classes and have brochures and websites with instructions on various library skills.
My college library had a talk and tour at the beginning of term, which included not only useful information such as "this is how the databases work" and "don't be scared of the big rolling things in the basement," but also useful information such as "you can eat in here; you just can't spill" and "forget about being quiet. That's what the study rooms are for."
I love my library, tiny as it is.
I'm amazed you were able to write thirteen things about that. I could probably one come up with one, "It sucks."
Good work. I love them all.
I just popped over from metaquotes. Forget art, you should be a writer. You remind me of Bill Bryson, of Walk in the Woods fame.
Got here from metaquotes. This is pretty great stuff. I think that you deserve an 'A' for funny.
Also, I love your note about the "Fresh Prince" lyrics. I used to try and write lyrics from memory in class, too. Mostly Dresden Dolls and Rocky Horror.
I do not think there is anyone above the age of 25 and below 40 who cannot recite 'Fresh Price' lyrics from memory.
I've half expected Carlton to shotgun Will into paste since forever.
Note: Since I still had a lot of time left, I wrote extras. Then, when I was done with that, I spent a good deal of time writing the lyrics to "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" from memory, which I have not included, since I'm sure you all know them already.
I think you should have written 12 poems and then Bel-Air'd your teacher with the thirteenth.
That was the best piece of art criticism I ever read. I tittered.
i wish that when i had to read and interpret thirteen ways of looking at blackboard in my english class that i could have read this instead.
i tried to pick a favorite stanza, but they're far too fabulous to pick just one. high five.
You should write a book full of these. Just choose a bunch of paintings and write these poems for all of them. It'd be fantastic.
2006-12-02 10:53 pm (UTC)
This is artwork in itself. And it's not boring.
^___^;; Sooo amused.
Please let me turn the third to last one into an icon, I will so totally credit you.
I adored III
It made me stop and nod and think that if I ever had a painting in a show, I might actually switch things around light that.
What is so important about the enamel indeed?
XI was my favorite.
I agree. I liked them all, but that one... I'm still laughing.
*adds to memories*
very entertaining. and you're right, i do know those lyrics
XDD Here from Metaquotes. Oh, dear, this is beautiful...
I sent this to my dad, who's an artist and adjunct at a local college (and he despises modern art like this.) He said he'd have given you not only an A but a PhD for this. ;)
i never liked wallace stevens' poetry
2007-01-09 10:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for this hilarious and somewhat ironic start to my day. It's brilliant!
2007-01-29 04:12 pm (UTC)
I'm coming on this late, but very curious as to what grade this masterpiece earned. I mean, it was hilarious, but Fine Art People often don't have much of a sense of humor about such things.
You know, I really don't know. It was due on the last week of class, so I never actually got it back. I got an A- overall for the class, though, so it must not have been too bad.